Transparency Tuesdays

A conventional or unconventional look at the openness and lack of hidden conditions from the professional and personal aspects. 

My Mixtape: Transparency in Balance

By: KayJay

I grew up listening to WRXB my earliest memory was entering the walls of the radio station and running to my dad’s office, which was the last office to the right of the hallways, once you got past the big waiting room  in the front. Then Saturday would roll around, and I would head off with my dad to the live remotes. Mr. Danzey alongwith the radio DJ, and my dad, Oscar Johnson III, General Sales Manager, would all be 

in attendance. Music blazing and the sun beaming as “lovely day…” played in the background while I sat in the back of the remote van eating KFC. Now, that’s nostalgia, and back when I had not a care in the world.

I said all of that to set the stage for how transparent I am about to be.

 

My playlist would now consist of working 9 to 5, by Dolly Parton

"What a way to make a livin’

Barely getting by

It’s all takin and no givin..."

 

Later rolling into Won’t he do it by Koryn Hawthorne

"Wont he do it?

He said he would

Fight your battles for you

They gon’ wonder how you sleep at night..."

 

I would later roll into the other side of my mixtape when I finally take a lunch

Cardi B… Money

"I was born to flex, diamonds on my neck
I like boardin’ jets,..."

 

As I roll into the Anthony Hamilton song, The Point of It All,  that echoed in the event hall,  as I walked down the aisle on my wedding day…

"I can’t stay away from you too long

Even if I do I’ll always call

Checkin’ on you make sure you’re OK

Be the one to brighten up your day, yeah yeah."

 

And my eyes are normally closed the entire time I hear this song- because I can see this day play over in my head.

 

And then my ride home consist of random songs of Ella Mae, because she tends to put my baby boy to sleep on the drive home. Tripp especially…

"...I put my feelings on safety

So I don’t go shootin’ where your heart be

‘Cause you take the bullet tryna save me

Then I’m left to deal with makin’ you bleed…"

 

This was all a set up for “...punchline about …” Why my Mixtape shows the transparency to the balance in my life.

As a wife, I find myself often apologizing for not getting in the bed at the time that my husband would believe that I should, please believe that he only wants to make sure I get rest, and that I fall asleep next to him (brings a smile to your face huh? Mine too) I feel wanted, but at the same time, I feel accomplished when I am up late pounding out these ideas that will only assist me in breaking more ground in passions. But then a huge part of me makes me feel like I am neglecting my responsibilities as a wife, because I am pursuing my passion, and not fully attending to the house, and I actually have to have my husband help me more around the house, and with the kids. Essentially my late nights and early mornings, but nothing like Marsha Ambrosius song, however, way more like putting in work on all fronts of my passion.

 

While, I work an 8-5 or more, currently, and so does he. We find ourselves at times only being able to shoot a quick text, “babe I love you!” or “How’s your day going?” and often times we’re both so busy we forget to respond till later. You see my husband isn’t a talker he’s the numbers guy, and I am the communicator, go figure, right? These type of days can leave me thinking “tell him your sorry for staying up so late, and working on another project” or thinking to myself “how do I make up for focusing on other things and not him.” I am a horrible wife! I then see the look on his face as he watches me type or jot down a quick thought, “just lay down next to me.” “Take a break.” But I can't, this mixtape is a part of our master plan.

 

As a mother, I am bound to ensuring that their lives are taken care of, but not without understanding and appreciating what hard work consist of.  I want them to understand that their Mom and Dad work hard, to ensure they are provided for, but ultimately show them that their end goal should be based on their happiness, which allows them to focus on their passion.  I want our children to see what goes into making any sacrifice in securing the (their) future. Or securing “the bag” as some might say. As a role model to my children, which I hope my husband and I are, I/we have an obligation to showing them that they  must make their own way through life, by finding “what solution it is they want to solve in the world?” In my eyes I became a mother very early, bonus mom, while I was pregnant with Kennedy I was afforded the opportunity of meeting my two bonus babies, as I call them. My husband was blessed with two daughters prior to our first child together, and I embraced the challenge from the start. Being a bonus mom hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t change being a mom/bonus mom  for the world. This roll further confirmed that I had an obligation to all my children to do something more than just “be.”

 

As a leader in my company it has never been easy. Everyday I handle crucial conversations, to assist our team in being passionate about what they do, and ultimately keeping the team motivated, hungry, prepared, and smart about all the things we plan on conquering everyday at work. Being at work is actually my peace, you want to know why? Because, I can actually hit "Alt + Ctrl+ Del" and walk away. While action items continually get marked off or they roll over to the next day, I plan for what is headed my way. Good, bad, ugly, or indifferent.

 

And now, as the Founder of The Professional Project. I hear “I like the way you move…” by Outkast, which then leads into my Rick Ross moment “Boss.” Not to mention, “Show me what you got,” by JayZ.  I have comprised a team that is so self-sufficient to the point that I can’t complain. True enough I have my freak  out moments, but they are minimal, and considering that I know they are making sacrifices right along with me, my mission is for us to “Win, Win, Win, no matter what..”. But they keep me calm. They all know the part they play and how they impact the vision and passion for the blog as well as other ventures. They all understand the fortitude of where I am trying to take us, or for that matter this project. So, I ask myself every night am I doing enough? And the response is always “you know the answer… No? Followed by a side eye. I can and will do more  

 

My mixtape is jammed packed with theme songs as I walk into any building, or office.. “Got me feeling like the wo-man when I walk through. No one said that this process would be easy, I never thought it would be, however, being transparent in my balance just amplifies what Glenn Llopis, a Forbes Contributor stated “We are all living during a time when people want and expect their leaders to be more human, less perfect and at times a bit more vulnerable-regardless of hierarchy or rank.” And as I continue to work towards my passion, while trying to live in my purpose. I would be remiss if I didn’t open up and provide you a window into my mixtape, it may not be dope to you, but it’s me! I am a work in progress and I know I don’t meet the expectations for every point in my life, but I am doing- not trying!  
 

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